tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999471506283260436.post4314268843431906390..comments2023-09-26T10:28:50.304-05:00Comments on ramos'rambling: Week 5 Storytelling: Help Neededlanceramoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13040260060559365607noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999471506283260436.post-18788363729682453682015-02-16T09:39:31.119-06:002015-02-16T09:39:31.119-06:00Lance,
Your dialogue was excellent. I very much en...Lance,<br />Your dialogue was excellent. I very much enjoyed reading your storytelling because it was so life like. Your dialogue added a detail that you do not get to see with the third person. I would have to say that you should expand your Author's Note just a little bit more. The background you give really helps to better understand your story. Great job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17912854753863956800noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999471506283260436.post-71224404351714084482015-02-15T15:27:10.120-06:002015-02-15T15:27:10.120-06:00Hi Lance! You did a really great job on the this s...Hi Lance! You did a really great job on the this storytelling post. I especially like that it was told in almost a child's tale or bedtime story kind of way. Your dialogue was also well done and flowed nicely. The only thing I found distracting was the repetition of "as I was saying" and "you know". They're pretty common in our everyday speech, but it becomes distracting when used too often in dialogue. Overall, this was very entertaining, and excellent for your storybook project. Leslie Tranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02655112859305845069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5999471506283260436.post-55387856800833543082015-02-15T12:50:36.375-06:002015-02-15T12:50:36.375-06:00Lance,
I loved your third person, as well as the ...Lance,<br /><br />I loved your third person, as well as the personalities you have developed for your characters (the grandfather and two grandsons). I also really liked your use of dashes. I might have to try that in my next storybook. I felt as if I was a little kid sitting and listening to the story. One thing I might suggest is to define your Author’s note a little more. Maybe bold the title for it or make the sizing a little bigger. <br /><br />I loved this piece. You did a great job!<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04019195036744534724noreply@blogger.com